The Vacation from Hell

I've been back from vacation for almost a week and I've really had time to think about all we did. We got to see some cool things, sweated our butts off, and spent a lot of time in the car. Let me lay out our vacation on a day to day basis.

Day 1: get up at the crack of dawn. Take children and Meemaw to the airport. Surprise the kids and tell them we are, in fact, going with Meemaw to Hawaii. Record their shocked reactions, which were much less exciting then I was expecting, and get all of us and our bags into the actual airport while Meemaw parked the car. I paid a skycap from a different airline $20 to get my bags inside while I tried to wrangle the Things and The Baby. It was like watching a train wreck. I have the Things peppering me with hundreds of questions about what I did and did not pack for them, I am trying to separate the luggage and hand my ID to the lady at the counter and hold The Baby because I was not thinking about putting him in his backpack carrier when Meemaw left us. Finally get everything aside from our carry ons ready, Meemaw comes back, we get boarding passes, head to security. Things were going well, we packed little bags of candy with cute poems to  bribe nearby passengers for when The Baby inevitably screamed. We were there in plenty of time and even though it looked like a disaster I thought I was doing well. Security was less impressed. Meemaw had the bottle and the candy. I had all three children. I forgot to put my phone on the belt in the chaos, which was pointed out to me before I went through the metal detector by a less than happy security Nazi. We go through the metal detector, get my hands swabbed for bomb making materials, happy to say that test came out as an all clear, and then Meemaw gets pulled aside for her suspicious items. She pointed to The Baby to explain away the bottle. The candy only took the security Nazi a minute once he read the note and we were good to go. Met up with Grandma and Brother in Laws Girlfriend, Shaniqua and we were ready for the first of 2 flights.

First flight was only 1.5 hours so baby did well. He snoozed and I thanked God. Get off first plane, eat lunch, let the baby crawl on the horribly dirty floor which I was far too exhausted to care about and then board the plane that mattered. The 5 hour flight plane... It was a darn good thing we bribed the people around us. The Baby got REALLY tired and screamed for a good 20 minutes because he no longer wanted to be touched, he just wanted to sleep, but on a teeny tiny airplane the whole sleep on his own thing was not going to fly. Eventually he fell asleep and I held him and dozed for one blissful hour. The rest of the flight involved a lot of movement, a lot of singing, and a lot of crying, mostly it was The Baby crying but I was close to tears once or twice. Finally touch down I go to get the rental car, Lineman meets everyone and loads enough into Shaniqua's car that only we fit and everyone else has to go in the rental van. It was a nice 2 hour ride in which I was not allowed to sleep due to constant chatting. Eat dinner, explore house, drink wine and fall exhausted into bed.

Day 2: Wake up at 4 AM because the baby is not aware of the time change, go to make coffee, find only decaf, contemplate killing both my brother in law and everyone else around me, eat breakfast and go to the store to buy REAL coffee and other necessary items. Then drive back to the same town that we landed in yesterday, 2 hours away, enjoy a BBQ and fun day at the beach. Introduce The Baby to the ocean, snorkel, watch the Things body board and then dinner and another 2 hour drive back to the house. At this point we are all triple exhausted from the travel and sun and beach. Lineman, Meemaw, Grandma and I vow to never go back to that town until we have to fly back home.

Day 3: Laze around and make breakfast, eat, let the baby nap and then head to a rocky beach in town. Watch the kids play, enjoy our day and be thankful it was only a 20 minute drive. Go home eat dinner, drink wine, and fall exhausted into bed.

Day 4: Special outing to a black sand beach is planned. Get up, make breakfast, play with children, put The Baby down for a nap get ready to go, wait for baby to wake up. Brother in law gets antsy I tell him I will cut him the baby gets a real nap and he isn't going to stop me from providing that. Then I hear where the beach is.... 2 hour drive the other way with a VERY sketchy road that can only be driven by 4 wheel drive vehicles. Baby wakes up, we make the very long drive with the Baby in Brother in law's pickup because we didn't have 4 wheel drive. I was secretly hoping the baby screamed the entire drive but unfortunately he was pretty good. I got an attitude at the beach only enjoyed an hour of our time there, of which we only spent like 3 hours, then drive back home. Yep 2 more hours in a vehicle.

This was my breaking point. Let me first say my Brother in Law and his girlfriend obviously don't have children. They should not have planned the vacation since they live there and there were other things some of us wanted to do besides what they had on the agenda, and I have OCD and need to be in control to enjoy myself. I hated the amount of driving and the poor planning that caused The Baby not to get naps and to hate his life, which in turn make me hate my life.

Drink wine, eat something probably, go to bed really really pissed off.

Day 5: Baby and Meemaw stayed home and everyone else went to visit the volcano, only .5 hours away and had a nice time until my leg floated out of the socket and I was barely able to walk back to the car. Go home, watch a movie about the island, drink wine, eat dinner, go to bed.

Day 6: Go to find awesome waterfalls in the jungle, get sadly disappointed that we could not get closer and they were all right off the road, go to the rocky beach, play, have fun, and enjoy the day without Brother in Law or Shaniqua. Go home, eat dinner, drink wine and go to bed.

Day 7: We had planned to go swim with dolphins this morning but due to Brother in Law and Shaniqua needed us to help them ship their cars we wasted this day. It was a cluster you know what, of stupidity and I was irritated. No one asked the right questions, they assumed it was our problem, yadda yadda yadda. Finally get everyone back to the house, eat dinner, do laundry, drink very little wine because we ran out, and pack to go home. Fight with Lineman before bed and then end fight so we can sleep for 4 hours before getting up to go home.

Day 8: Get up ungodly early with slight headache, drive 2 HOURS to get to airport, go through security without Lineman then barely make it to our flight on time in another chaotic crazy airport experience. Flight has extra seats allowing for The Baby to get his own which was heaven on earth. He napped well until another baby was screaming, with my frayed nerves I wanted to strangle the parents though I know they were doing the best they could. He did really well on the long flight. We got to our connection early had a slight mishap of The Baby smacking his tooth in an attempt to stand, there was blood it was sad. Board last plane, fight with baby for most of flight. Get home and thank god the vacation from hell is over. Vow to never ever do that again with a baby.

The End!

The bible is not back up

I am a very nosy person. I am on social media to boast about my children and see what other people I know are up doing with their lives. If you don't like what I have to say you don't have to see it. It's a choice. I hate when arguments erupt on social media. It's gory and out there for the world to see. When opinions are being expressed tensions run high and inevitably there will be a show stopping comment. BOOM. Bible verse. What now?

I am not a hugely religious person. I have questions that I need to try to answer for myself. I am not against religion in any way. It is normal and natural to want to believe there is someone watching over and protecting you. I have seen religion as something personal for each individual, which is exactly what it is. Some follow certain religions because of their family or friends and others choose what religion works for them. Whatever your reason, good for you. I do, however, have a problem with you shoving your choice down my throat.

Religion is a tricky business and no one religion is ever acceptable universally. I have a problem with those that back their opinions by bible versus because there are so very many versus and versions and not a single one is completely current. There are versus saying that working on Sunday is punishable by death. The people using the bible as a back up for their arguments never touch the versus they don't believe in or think don't apply to them. I get it, you want ammunition to show others your way. Well for me, it's all or nothing. You don't get to choose what pieces work for your argument and leave out some pretty big flaws.

Everyone should have an opinion. Wars have been waged to make sure we are able to express our opinion. It is human nature, especially when we are happy, to want others to be happy as well. When I love a restaurant I tell all my friends so they can enjoy the same experience I had. When I have an amazing hair stylist or babysitter or anything I want to tell me friends and let them experience my joy. I love my hair stylist, my friend hates how she did her highlights. Ok no big deal, we have a difference but we can still be friends. For now. Because I love my highlights and you should too. I understand wanting to convince someone your way is better, and I'm a control freak so my way really is better. I do not, ever, use bible versus. Sometimes I will mention articles I've read, but I'm quick to show that they agree with me so they are articles I enjoy. My husband does not always love my back up but he understands. I want to try to back up my reasoning. It's okay to want others to join you in your views but please choose your versus carefully.

Lazy Sundays are so nice.

I had a semi busy weekend. I played with my boys and even my nephew. I got my hair done and errands run. I have kept my house picked up and laundry caught up so I didn't have much to do yesterday except veg out. Which I did. ALL. DAY. LONG. It was amazing. I finally caught up on my sleep because every time The Baby napped I napped. I felt a little disgusted with myself for not cleaning bathrooms but oh well. I know next weekend will be crazy getting ready for our vacation so I decided to do absolutely nothing. Plus it was in the 90s on Sunday and I am not a fan of heat.

Last night Thing 1 wanted the big screen TV in the living room. Let me break my house down for you we have 3 TVs. 1 large TV in the living room which holds the much coveted DVR. 1 medium sized one in the bonus room, which is where we make the Things watch TV and play on their Wii. And 1 in Lineman and my bedroom. As you see from the breakdown Thing 1 has a TV he can watch. It's in the bonus room. He can keep The Baby out because there is a baby gate so there is no reason to use the living room TV unless you want to play on the PlayStation that Lineman will not let me move to the bonus room. Of course Thing 1 wants to build things in Minecraft, a game I loath with all my heart. So I said, sure you can put The Baby to bed and I'll go to sleep. He actually took me seriously. He stuck with me through bath time, which is really just The Baby playing in the water while we watch and adore him. He stuck with me through getting The Baby diapered and dressed, and he stuck with me through making a bottle and singing a lullaby. I was pretty reasonably impressed that he did not ditch me throughout the process. It was kind of nice. In the end he got 30 minutes on Minecraft while I talked to Lineman on the phone.

These moments pass so quickly that it sometimes escapes me how grown my older boys are becoming. They want to help and play with their baby brother. They want to be part of the conversation. They want to hang out with me. It's nice and I know I will blink and it will be gone so I try, even on my bad days, to show them love and kindness. To show them that I am not the wicked witch of the west no matter what Nana tells them. I try, especially on the days I'm tired, to give them all my patience. In the end we are better off together. In the end it is all worth it, but I don't want it to end. I want to be the mom they still think is cool. Which will be cemented in place when we take them to Hawaii in just over a week! YAY!

A small kitchen fire and a broken disposal.. looks like a job for super mom

I feel like last night was a test. I worked a bit late to finish up some payroll and when I went to pickup The Baby from Nana I heard that he had been in a terrible mood all day. He didn't want to eat he wasn't feeling well and my mother was at her wits end. Taking from her notes I hightailed it out of there before she regaled me with stories of my terrible baby. 

My mother does not think my baby is terrible. She loves him, but it's harder than she anticipated to take care of him on a daily basis. It scares me that I will have to find another caretaker because she is going to be too worn out to watch him. It also scares me that she might not have a great bond with him due to resentment of having to care for him on a daily basis. I don't really think this will happen but it might and that is a very scary thought. So far she is handling it but I am going to be checking into some alternatives when I get a chance. 

We get home from Nana's and The Baby is indeed in a mood. He played with Thing 1 for a while but he was very fussy and snotty and slobbery. In the end we had baby food popsicles for dinner and a play time bath. He was tucked soundly into  bed at 8:01 PM and I could breath for a second. I was late getting home so I made a late dinner starting at 8:02 PM. Macaroni and cheese is a savior on nights like these. Now when I turned on the burner everything seemed fine. Did I check the burner tray for food debris? No. Did I worry there might be a fire? No. Was there a fire? Yes. A very small fire which I did not even freak out about. I calmly, sorta, turned off the burner and switched to another burner, this time checking the tray, and finished the noodles. MMMMM cheesy calorie goodness.

Eventful night right? Well it got better. After cooking, cleaning and doing dishes I tried to run the garbage disposal... A slight buzzing and then it stopped. I mentally used lots of curse words. Then, since I pretend to be handy when my husband is gone, I tried the reset switch. A slight buzzing then it stopped. I text Lineman to see if I should call a plumber or wait until he got home in 3 weeks. He called immediately. Normally, I would be cussing him for being gone and having something happen but I was calm and collected so I didn't stress him out. He told me about a magic item on the disposal. Apparently you just plug an allen wrench in the hole and spin it. The disposal MUST BE UNPLUGGED and you can sometimes keep from having to replace the disposal. I found the correct size allen wrench after annoyingly realizing I have WAY too much stuff in the cabinet below the sink, and I worked the sucker loose. I can now say I have a functioning garbage disposal. Go team me! After putting all the crap back under the sink without sorting it in my OCD way, I was ready to relax.

I am about to go check on The Baby because Nana has requested my presence at home during my lunch hour. Apparently his teething ways are not soothing to her and I need to go swoop in and be super mom again. It's a tiring job but someone has to do it. 

Goosefraba

As our big trip to the islands approaches I am beginning to stress out.  Majorly stress out. My children are wonderful people but every day The Baby gets more active and closer to walking and he will be riding in my lap on the flight to Hawaii. I will be semi alone and I'm freaking out. Trying to get ready both physically (packing) and mentally (some form of mom meditation). I keep thinking and thinking and thinking about what it is going to be like having to corral my little sweetie for 6 long hours. I know we will be ok but then again, will we?

Have you ever been on a plane with a screaming baby? I have, it's never been mine and I've never even attempted a flight this long with him but here we are, planning for an adventure and I'm kinda freaked. Now The Baby has actually flown before. We went to see his grandparents but we flew on a private plane. IT WAS AMAZING. You can pretty much do whatever you want on those planes. Plus, Lineman was with me and the Things were at home. It wasn't very stressful and I had a lot of people I knew there to help keep him happy. This time it's me and the things. I might get an occasional helping hand from Meemaw or Grandma or Girlfriend but pretty much it'll be me against the rest of the plane. I am aware that when you see a baby ready to board a plane you pray that it is no where near you. You cross your fingers and you promise to be a better person if you just don't get a seat next to the child. Well guess what? Someone is going to have to sit near us and if it's you, I'm very sorry.

I might stop here and explain my theory on nature. I tell my children to scariest thing in nature is a mama bear. She will protect her cubs with her life and you better watch out because she has some weight to throw around. I am a mama bear. I love my children fiercely and I will not hesitate to give someone a piece of my mind if they are being a**holes to my kids. But how do you nicely tell someone to shove it 30,000 feet above the ground when you are stuck together for 6 hours? I have a feeling I'm going to have to use one of Lineman's sayings a lot. Goosefraba meaning deep breath and let it go. Goosefraba. He's screaming, goosefraba. He's crying goosefraba, you glare at me watch yourself because goosefraba only works to an extent. I will not hesitate to glare right back. You will not make me feel bad for taking my sweet innocent baby on a plane. No way, no how. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all because my stress level is liable to make me snap.

Goosefraba.

I'm off to maybe work some and stress some and quite possibly stress some more.

Goosefraba.

Accountant.

Rain Clouds Make Me Lazy

I've taken a couple of weeks off. Not from life but from my blog. I have been going so hard lately that I haven't had the mental capacity to write my thoughts down each day. This weekend was Memorial Day and we were VERY busy. When I say we, I mean Thing 1, The Baby, and me. Lineman is still enjoying the pineapple drinks and ocean spray in Hawaii. But we are heading his way in 2 short weeks! Eek I'm excited. And somewhat stressed.

We decided we will be surprising Thing 1 and Thing 2 by not telling them we are taking the journey. Under the guise of taking their dear grandmother to the airport we will whisk them away at the crack of dawn and head to the islands. This is exciting except the dear grandmother, great grandmother, and girlfriend of the uncle, will be in the front of the plane carrying small yippy dogs, and we will be at the back of the plane. Just me and all three of my boys. I'm glad I have both older brothers to help wrangle The Baby because I would probably go insane if I was completely alone. But this begs the question. How in the world are we going to get through this? I'm downloading the new favorite cartoon on the IPAD. I am making goody bags and carrying ear plugs for my fellow passangers but I'm pretty sure we will still be annoying.

I hate screaming babies on planes but it is a means to an end and I know that the parents of said children are doing everything they can to calm the child. But The Baby is now crawling so 6 and 1/2 hours on a plane isn't going to be enjoyable. If I'm lucky we will hit his first and second nap time in the air and he won't be much of an issue but I'm guessing I'm just not that lucky.

Cross your fingers that we all live through it and the police aren't called.

Helicopters worry me

Lineman got a job! Yay, except it's in Hawaii. What you say, why is Hawaii a bad deal? Well I'll tell you why. Helicopters. When you can't get to a transmission pole by roads they take you in a helicopter and you dangle below it to work on the line. Does that sound just a teeny tiny bit dangerous to you? Me too. 

I love my husband and he is psyched. He cannot wait to fly above the lines and earn some bragging rights. All I think about is the what ifs. What if he falls? What if his line breaks? What if he grabs the wire and becomes conductive? All the answers equate to my need for antacids and ulcer medication. I am so happy he has a job, that relieves some of the financial stress I've been under, but I cannot help but want to cry every time I think about him being dangled a hundred feet in the air from nothing but a piece of rope or cable of some kind. I choose life Lineman. I want to grow old WITH you. 

That being said I guess we should get ready to take another Hawaiian vacation. As our honeymoon gift my in-laws took us to Hawaii a few years ago with the big kids, since The Baby wasn't even a twinkle in our eye yet. And the things have been begging to go back. I say, shut up kid you are so lucky you got to go when you were 7, I had to wait until I was, not yet 30 but dangerously close. And the spoiled little darlings are going to get to go again before the age of 10. 

Because they have been begging for this, Lineman and I are going to trick them. What horrible parents we are right? Well too bad, if you get to go to Hawaii twice before the age of 10, you are going to have to take it how it comes. We think we'll just tell them Lineman is working there but we won't tell them about the plan to meet him for a week of fun. I'm going to wake them up early the morning of the flight, pile them into the car and not tell them until we get to the airport. How fun will this be? SO FUN! I'm stoked, only have a month to wait.

Other honorable mentions would be that my mother in law, grandmother in law, and probably soon to be sister in law will all be heading to the same island around the same time. See my brother in law and his girlfriend, hopefully soon to be wife if he ever proposes, live in Hawaii now. He is also a lineman and he got a job in Hawaii back in January. They have a 3 bedroom house in the rain forest and I'm so dang excited. Anyway they have 3 pint sized dogs that had to wait to go to Hawaii because they needed shots. My hopefully soon to be sister in law is coming home to get the pups and flying back with my in laws. We might be able to swing the same flight and life will be grand! 

I am crossing my fingers and toes everything works out. This is definitely a new adventure! Bring on the sun, and lots of sunscreen because my whiteness is just so very white the sun burns me in seconds.