Wednesday, May 6, 2015

The life of a single married woman

Today Lineman headed for the great unknown a.k.a. California. He is looking for work again which means I don't know when I will see him again. He will call nightly but having him present for our nightly rehash of our day is really nice. Most of our marriage he has been away working. Actually most of our almost 6 year relationship he has been gone. I knew when I met him what I was signing on for. I knew that his choice of career would most likely carry him away from me on a constant basis. I knew my life would be harder without him home, but I also knew I loved him enough to endure the loneliness and celebrate the togetherness. 

The last 6 months of our marriage has equated to more time together than the rest of our 6 years combined. I have enjoyed this time and in a rare moment I began to depend on him. He was there every night, he was there every morning and he was there to help with the everyday stuff. I loved having him here and though our time together always had a deadline, it was so far away until now. Now I have to be strong. I have to raise our children without him next to me. I am a good mother and I can wear a lot of hats, but I can't help feeling a little sad at the loss of our everyday routine. 

I will now have to cook, clean, raise children and work all at the same time. It is something I have done most of my life but it seems different now. I have striven to keep from depending on him. Not because he doesn't want to be home with us, but because he can't be home with us. He has a job to do and though he loves it, I know he struggles with the choice every day. He misses the everyday, the milestones for our children and the hard times we endure without him. If you don't appreciate the ability to turn on a light, you should. My husband risks his life building and maintaining power lines to ensure when you flip a switch the power you need is delivered. 

He may not be a hero to everyone and most people do not realize that his job is so important. We do. His family does. He sacrifices his time with us so he can support us and do what he loves. He sacrifices watching his children grow to make sure the power is there. He works in the heat, snow and ice. When it's -30 degrees and your power goes out, so does he. He endures the weather to ensure that you do not freeze or melt into a puddle. 

He is my hero and I will miss him so very much. I hope he finds a job.  I hope he stays safe in his travels. I hope he stays safe when he is working with voltage that could easily kill him in an instant. I hope he finds comfort in knowing we are so proud of him. I hope he isn't gone too long. I hope he knows that he is missed. I hope, beyond hope, that he comes home soon. And I hope he knows that even with distance spanning between us I love him enough to be a single married woman.

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