I just got a call telling me that my sister in law's husband asked for a divorce. Back story here is that they are both only children. She never wanted to have children and neither did he until a few years ago. She was scared that he would leave her and she would be a single mother. We all told her that we would support her if that happened and she didn't have to worry. They were blessed with a bouncing baby boy on the 4th of July and everything has seemed amazing. She loves motherhood and their little boy is thriving.
Last night the a**hole came home and told her he didn't love her. Wait, what? He proceeded to say that he hadn't loved her in a long time, 2 years to be exact. So he didn't love her when she made his child? He didn't love her as she carried and cared for his child? He didn't love her through her pregnancy or the growth of their child. I am sorry but anyone who has the balls to say that is an a**hole. He's a f***ing a**hole.
I have never liked the a**hole. I think he's a pompous jacka** but I like my sister in law and I hate that he has done this to her. He is a coward and I truly hope he reconsiders his position, at which point she can tell him to go take a hike. I hate him for doing this and I hate all men that drop bombshells like this. I happen to be a woman of action, when my ex husband asked for a divorce I was all business and all action. I cleared out our bank account I found a place for my son and I to live, I went to visit an attorney, and I had divorce papers in the works before he knew what hit him. I didn't give him a chance to reconsider because you can't take those words back. Once you speak them your relationship will never fully recover, you will always remember those words.
Marriage is something that takes work. Constant work, not the "I work on it when I feel like it" kind of work. It takes determination and love and honesty and respect and courage to fight the good fight. My husband and I fight, but deep down on the most basic level is love. We love each other, we respect each other, and we love and respect the family we have made. We have to work to stay together. We fight about petty things but we also play and have fun. We apologize and admit mistakes. We work to overcome our differences, we talk and enjoy each other. We hold hands in the car and show our love whenever we can. If one of us fails the other is there to lend a loving hand. But it is not always sunshine and daisy's. We've had really hard times, we've worked through many complicated differences and when we see the light again we are better from our struggle through the dark. That is what it takes to stay married. It's a choice we make every day. We choose to struggle and work and the payoff is having a best friend through it all. He is my best friend and he is strong for me when I need him as I am strong from him when he needs me.
Leaving is easy. Leaving takes no courage, no respect, and no honor. If you chose to stay married for 8 years and then give up, you are failing. You are not just breaking promises you made, but you are failing to try, you are failing to give your all. You are failing your wife AND your child. I have a child that has lived through divorce and though it's common place and his father and I still co parent there are scars. He has to live through those scars. You are causing real pain you a**hole and nothing will change that. I hope your wife does not take you back when you realize your mistake, I hope she lets you know that you chose to give up and you chose to cause pain. I also hope she finds someone she deserves. Someone who is kind and loving. Someone who sees the good and chooses to fight through the dark so they can enjoy the light together. And I truly hope that you have to live your life in the dark, alone.
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Eye Surgery, Naps and Disney Dads
Yesterday was a fun day. I took my mother-in-law to get her lens replacement surgery. She isn't a candidate for lasik so instead she has to wait 3 weeks between surgeries so she can see without glasses. I was pretty excited for the anesthesia and a funny recovery. Unfortunately she was just tired. boo to no funny video to share. We spent the day driving to and from the doctor, eating and napping just a little. It was a good day. Filled with some pretty stylin' sunglasses.
Something hit me this morning though. My son left his favorite and only zip up jacket at his dad's this weekend. This morning he wanted me to call his dad and have him bring it home. I said no, that Thing 1 could call his dad and ask that question. Unfortunately for both Thing 1 and Disney Dad he got Disney's answering machine here was his message " Hey, Real Name which is not dad, can you please bring me my jacket? I am tired of wearing my coat and I left my jacket at your moms house."
For anonymity sake I don't use real names but this message hit me like a ton of bricks. For a few years now Thing 1 has been calling Lineman dad, not as a disrespectful act to his real father but as an accident at first and then it became easier to just call Lineman dad. He has now started calling his father by his real name. If that were me I would be crying my eyes out. I gave birth to and have nurtured my child and if he used my real name it would be on like Donkey Kong.
Disney knows that Thing 1 calls Lineman dad and when we met with Thing 1's counselor it was something that Disney brought up. He said it hurt to hear Thing 1 call another man dad but he also understood why it was happening. Lineman has been there and Disney has not. At this point I should probably explain how Thing 1, Disney, and I went from happy family to functional divorced family that is even happier.
Disney and I were married when he was in the service. When we were apart all the time our marriage worked. It was when he was discharged from the service that we discovered we didn't really like each other. He asked me for a divorce when I was on my first business trip ever and I was 1 part relieved and 1 part crushed. I had never wanted a divorce because I was taught that you get to choose your spouse and it's your job to make it work. I had failed and I didn't really like that feeling. I lashed out as did he but in the end we realized that we needed to worry about Thing 1 and function as his parents that at one time did love each other.
The status quo has worked well. I am in charge because I am the primary caretaker and Disney clears things through me if he wishes to keep his life. I am a mama bear and I am fiercely loyal to my children. Once Disney decided to tell me how to parent and I told him when he was a parent every day he could tell me what to do, but as long as he only saw Thing 1 on the weekends he didn't get a say. It was somewhat hurtful and mean but it was true and after that Disney and I have had no problems. I am a very fair judge and jury so things work well.
A few years ago after running through 2 different women who he immediately moved into houses where my son stayed Disney moved to another state in search of work and finishing his degree. He was gone for 2 years and when he came back I knew his relationship with Thing 1 would never be the same. Thing 1 liked seeing him but he didn't want to stay with him for very long. Disney is now a long haul truck driver who stays with his parents or brother when he is in town so Thing 1 likes spending even less time with him. Thing 1 likes his space and his routine. When Disney screws that up we all pay dearly for it. As a result he sees Disney about once a month and only stays for 2 days and 1 night. Any more than this and Thing 1 loses his cool. He loves his father but he needs the stability that Lineman and I provide.
So today, as my 9 year old continues to grow I think he is distancing himself from his biological father. They will always have a relationship and I hope he continues to try to build a bond there but ultimately when Thing 1 looks for stability and help I know he will turn to me or Lineman. We are his rocks and we are always there for him. He is my sweet young man and I am so happy he calls me Mom, a title I have darn well earned, and not by my given name that is only allowed to be uttered in large crowds where calling Mom would not pinpoint me.
Something hit me this morning though. My son left his favorite and only zip up jacket at his dad's this weekend. This morning he wanted me to call his dad and have him bring it home. I said no, that Thing 1 could call his dad and ask that question. Unfortunately for both Thing 1 and Disney Dad he got Disney's answering machine here was his message " Hey, Real Name which is not dad, can you please bring me my jacket? I am tired of wearing my coat and I left my jacket at your moms house."
For anonymity sake I don't use real names but this message hit me like a ton of bricks. For a few years now Thing 1 has been calling Lineman dad, not as a disrespectful act to his real father but as an accident at first and then it became easier to just call Lineman dad. He has now started calling his father by his real name. If that were me I would be crying my eyes out. I gave birth to and have nurtured my child and if he used my real name it would be on like Donkey Kong.
Disney knows that Thing 1 calls Lineman dad and when we met with Thing 1's counselor it was something that Disney brought up. He said it hurt to hear Thing 1 call another man dad but he also understood why it was happening. Lineman has been there and Disney has not. At this point I should probably explain how Thing 1, Disney, and I went from happy family to functional divorced family that is even happier.
Disney and I were married when he was in the service. When we were apart all the time our marriage worked. It was when he was discharged from the service that we discovered we didn't really like each other. He asked me for a divorce when I was on my first business trip ever and I was 1 part relieved and 1 part crushed. I had never wanted a divorce because I was taught that you get to choose your spouse and it's your job to make it work. I had failed and I didn't really like that feeling. I lashed out as did he but in the end we realized that we needed to worry about Thing 1 and function as his parents that at one time did love each other.
The status quo has worked well. I am in charge because I am the primary caretaker and Disney clears things through me if he wishes to keep his life. I am a mama bear and I am fiercely loyal to my children. Once Disney decided to tell me how to parent and I told him when he was a parent every day he could tell me what to do, but as long as he only saw Thing 1 on the weekends he didn't get a say. It was somewhat hurtful and mean but it was true and after that Disney and I have had no problems. I am a very fair judge and jury so things work well.
A few years ago after running through 2 different women who he immediately moved into houses where my son stayed Disney moved to another state in search of work and finishing his degree. He was gone for 2 years and when he came back I knew his relationship with Thing 1 would never be the same. Thing 1 liked seeing him but he didn't want to stay with him for very long. Disney is now a long haul truck driver who stays with his parents or brother when he is in town so Thing 1 likes spending even less time with him. Thing 1 likes his space and his routine. When Disney screws that up we all pay dearly for it. As a result he sees Disney about once a month and only stays for 2 days and 1 night. Any more than this and Thing 1 loses his cool. He loves his father but he needs the stability that Lineman and I provide.
So today, as my 9 year old continues to grow I think he is distancing himself from his biological father. They will always have a relationship and I hope he continues to try to build a bond there but ultimately when Thing 1 looks for stability and help I know he will turn to me or Lineman. We are his rocks and we are always there for him. He is my sweet young man and I am so happy he calls me Mom, a title I have darn well earned, and not by my given name that is only allowed to be uttered in large crowds where calling Mom would not pinpoint me.
Monday, April 27, 2015
My kids are cool and my house is a lot of work
This weekend we decided to really get stuff done around the house. On Friday we were basically running around like chickens with our heads cut off all day but we got to see family and all three of the boys were home for at least a night. Thing 1 had a Mother & Son Game Night at his school on Friday night. So when Thing 2 got home from school we invited him to join us. We had a blast. Mostly eating the sweets they served but also playing the games.
I may have never explained this but Thing 1 is my first born. He is the oldest by 3 months and he is a very muscular kid. He doesn't know his own strength and he's so sweet and innocent I just adore him. He goes to his father's house from time to time but he prefers my house. His dad is not a bad guy and after years of being divorced we are on good terms. He clears everything through me because my rath is nothing to sneeze at. Overall we get along and raise Thing 1 as a team. Lineman is included int he team since he is around more. Crazy life but we make it work.
Thing 2 is Lineman's oldest. He is only younger than Thing 1 by 3 months but he is wise beyond his years. He is smart as they get but he is pretty sure he should be 20 for all he knows... yeah. He loves The Baby and is a great kid. Thing 2 lives with his mom most of the time. She is good people and we are all mutually looking out for Thing 2 as a team.
On Game Night the boys put themselves into a brownie coma as we played basketball, twister, charades, what am I doing, and headbandz. During headbandz, which is a really fun game by the way, I had a mushroom. I asked "am I a vegetable?" Thing 2 said "Oh yeah I can give you a hint." This seemed harmless so I took said hint. He then explained my mushroom like this "It's the thing that Uncle Lineman took and he thought there was a zombie chasing him." I stared open-mouthed. First, how does he know this story? and second what the heck have we done?
I got home and talked to Lineman about it. He explained that he told Thing 2, always inquisitive and never satisfied with the "because I said so" answer, that story to explain the dangers of doing drugs. This sounds like an amazing way to ward kids from taking drugs but as the school principal had been behind me moments before his explanation Lineman got the over the glasses "look". I was less than pleased that our 9 year old would explain a vegetable that way. Needless to say we snuck by the principal when we left and I said a prayer that she did not hear that part of our game. All in all it was a good night.
Then came Saturday. I got up early to make bacon, Thing 1's favorite food in the whole wide world, because he was going to see his dad for the weekend. I cooked waffles as well at the request of Thing 2 and we had a lovely morning. Then it was time to knock out chores. Thing 1 was saved when his dad picked him up, Thing 2 was relegated to the back yard with Lineman to finish the landscape project that might end, and I was sequestered to the house with The Baby.
The Baby was tired but not giving in so he was clingy. We played on the floor and I finally put our wedding video in for something to occupy my mind until I was able to ply him to sleep with a bottle. Once he was down I began to tackle the task of mowing the lawn. Of course we had bad gas in our mower that hadn't been used in 2 years, I was pregnant and lazy so I paid someone, don't judge. I had to call Nana and borrow her mower and weed eater. I finally finished the front yard and headed to the back to get the parts of the yard that were not covered in construction materials, eventually I convinced Lineman that yes we should move the trampoline so I could mow under it since I was already here and ready. By the end I was ready to take the mower back and stopped in the house to check on things. Apparently The Baby had woken shortly after his nap began and Thing 2, being a good big brother, had saved him from his swing and put him on the floor with his toys. He was happy and Thing 2 was playing on the IPad and watching The Baby so I took what I could get and ran the mower back.
I got home, played with The Baby, and laid him down for this second nap. I vacuumed and cleaned the house so we could you know, continue to live in it without CPS being called. I did dishes and laundry and was ready to cook dinner. After a quick run to the store I noticed the clouds were darkening signaling rain. So I jumped in and helped Lineman shovel the last load of dirt into the flower bed before the rain hit. I cooked dinner, did dishes again and imbibed in some adult beverages with a icy hot patch on my lower back. I had a slight sunburn but so much got done I couldn't complain.
Sunday was much of the same. Work our butts off, got another more painful sunburn, and ALMOST finished the flower bed. I am now so tired I can barely keep my eyes open to finish the payroll for my clients that is due on Thursday. Yay weekend is over now I can rest.. wait what?
I may have never explained this but Thing 1 is my first born. He is the oldest by 3 months and he is a very muscular kid. He doesn't know his own strength and he's so sweet and innocent I just adore him. He goes to his father's house from time to time but he prefers my house. His dad is not a bad guy and after years of being divorced we are on good terms. He clears everything through me because my rath is nothing to sneeze at. Overall we get along and raise Thing 1 as a team. Lineman is included int he team since he is around more. Crazy life but we make it work.
Thing 2 is Lineman's oldest. He is only younger than Thing 1 by 3 months but he is wise beyond his years. He is smart as they get but he is pretty sure he should be 20 for all he knows... yeah. He loves The Baby and is a great kid. Thing 2 lives with his mom most of the time. She is good people and we are all mutually looking out for Thing 2 as a team.
On Game Night the boys put themselves into a brownie coma as we played basketball, twister, charades, what am I doing, and headbandz. During headbandz, which is a really fun game by the way, I had a mushroom. I asked "am I a vegetable?" Thing 2 said "Oh yeah I can give you a hint." This seemed harmless so I took said hint. He then explained my mushroom like this "It's the thing that Uncle Lineman took and he thought there was a zombie chasing him." I stared open-mouthed. First, how does he know this story? and second what the heck have we done?
I got home and talked to Lineman about it. He explained that he told Thing 2, always inquisitive and never satisfied with the "because I said so" answer, that story to explain the dangers of doing drugs. This sounds like an amazing way to ward kids from taking drugs but as the school principal had been behind me moments before his explanation Lineman got the over the glasses "look". I was less than pleased that our 9 year old would explain a vegetable that way. Needless to say we snuck by the principal when we left and I said a prayer that she did not hear that part of our game. All in all it was a good night.
Then came Saturday. I got up early to make bacon, Thing 1's favorite food in the whole wide world, because he was going to see his dad for the weekend. I cooked waffles as well at the request of Thing 2 and we had a lovely morning. Then it was time to knock out chores. Thing 1 was saved when his dad picked him up, Thing 2 was relegated to the back yard with Lineman to finish the landscape project that might end, and I was sequestered to the house with The Baby.
The Baby was tired but not giving in so he was clingy. We played on the floor and I finally put our wedding video in for something to occupy my mind until I was able to ply him to sleep with a bottle. Once he was down I began to tackle the task of mowing the lawn. Of course we had bad gas in our mower that hadn't been used in 2 years, I was pregnant and lazy so I paid someone, don't judge. I had to call Nana and borrow her mower and weed eater. I finally finished the front yard and headed to the back to get the parts of the yard that were not covered in construction materials, eventually I convinced Lineman that yes we should move the trampoline so I could mow under it since I was already here and ready. By the end I was ready to take the mower back and stopped in the house to check on things. Apparently The Baby had woken shortly after his nap began and Thing 2, being a good big brother, had saved him from his swing and put him on the floor with his toys. He was happy and Thing 2 was playing on the IPad and watching The Baby so I took what I could get and ran the mower back.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Dealing with Taxes gets my blood pressure up
Today I had the wonderfully irritating experience of dealing with the state tax commission. I will first tell you my father's theory on IRS agents and the state tax commission. "If they aren't smart enough to work in private practice they go to the IRS, if they aren't smart enough to work for the IRS they work for the state tax commission." And today that was proved.
The big picture is both the state and federal agencies lean on CPAs and in my case, lowly tax preparers, to do the work and research the laws for them. Not only do my clients have to pay for the agencies idiocy but I have to deal with the idiots myself.
I understand people get itchy and their eyes glaze over when they hear accountants revert to form numbers and laws but I get pumped. You pay us for a reason. And today I beat "the man" who was actually a woman and seemed to be new. As frustrating as the process is I know I'm right, which isn't surprising given the level of expertise I was dealing with, but I am going to take the victory lap anyway.
Also today my oldest,Thing 1, has been fighting a cold. The cold is clearly winning but I don't dare tell him that because it becomes his mission in life to miss school for the day. The kid hates school, I get it, but come on! You ran to school which caused a coughing fit, which caused you to puke, which doesn't mean I should have to come get you. But I caved and set the ground rules. Thing 1 got to go to Nana's house but there would be no TV watching. I wanted him at least reading if he was going to milk the common cold for a day off. He was totally agreeable to that as he disappeared into his room at Nana's house.
Yes my children have their own room at my mothers. Grandparents are allowed to spoil. I'm sure as soon as the front door closed the TV went on and it is still currently running making the minutes tick buy until he has to shut it off before Mom gets there. Honestly, she is creating the monster and I just want to bury my head in the sand. Lineman Dad offered to keep him home but the landscaping project that will never end is still in process and I need him focused on that and not on torturing his son for faking illness.
Another day another drama.
The big picture is both the state and federal agencies lean on CPAs and in my case, lowly tax preparers, to do the work and research the laws for them. Not only do my clients have to pay for the agencies idiocy but I have to deal with the idiots myself.
I understand people get itchy and their eyes glaze over when they hear accountants revert to form numbers and laws but I get pumped. You pay us for a reason. And today I beat "the man" who was actually a woman and seemed to be new. As frustrating as the process is I know I'm right, which isn't surprising given the level of expertise I was dealing with, but I am going to take the victory lap anyway.
Also today my oldest,Thing 1, has been fighting a cold. The cold is clearly winning but I don't dare tell him that because it becomes his mission in life to miss school for the day. The kid hates school, I get it, but come on! You ran to school which caused a coughing fit, which caused you to puke, which doesn't mean I should have to come get you. But I caved and set the ground rules. Thing 1 got to go to Nana's house but there would be no TV watching. I wanted him at least reading if he was going to milk the common cold for a day off. He was totally agreeable to that as he disappeared into his room at Nana's house.
Yes my children have their own room at my mothers. Grandparents are allowed to spoil. I'm sure as soon as the front door closed the TV went on and it is still currently running making the minutes tick buy until he has to shut it off before Mom gets there. Honestly, she is creating the monster and I just want to bury my head in the sand. Lineman Dad offered to keep him home but the landscaping project that will never end is still in process and I need him focused on that and not on torturing his son for faking illness.
Another day another drama.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
The Landscape Project that will never end...
My husband, Lineman Dad, is a great guy. About 3 months ago he quit his job at a non union company to join the union. We had some money saved up so instead of heading out to find work immediately I, being a clever woman, convinced him to try the "stay at home dad" thing for the duration of tax season, aka April 15th, aka the best.day.of.the.year.
During the first month of said "stay at home dad" job he went a little crazy. The Baby wouldn't let him get much done, so the baby was shipped off to Nana 3 days a week so he could get work done. That was a good decision since he decided to invent a project. The first project was a liquor cabinet. I will say it only took 2 weeks longer than anticipated and it looks amazing in my home. We displayed photos on Facebook and everything.
Then my mother, Nana, who is also recently retired, came up with another small project for Lineman Dad. A homemade trellis she found on Pinterest. Of course this was about a day worth of project... said day project took 3 days because Lineman Dad is a perfectionist and this causes projects to run over his original time line by about 300%.
This is the lead in to the current never ending landscape project. With the liquor cabinet, and trellis done, Lineman Dad needed a new project to keep from going crazy due to lack of work and stress. He did not consider housework to be something to keep his mind active. So I saw a little Pinterest project of my own that looked nice. A raised flowerbed. The version I saw was made of wood and looked like a week long project for my husband. I do not say this often but boy did I miss the estimation on that one.
We are on week 4 or maybe 6 of said raised flower bed and I lost interest 3 weeks ago. I've been out of the blur of tax season for about a week and the progress is steadily .... slow. I go to work and come home to about the same amount of progress. It isn't that he isn't working furiously to get it done so he can go make money again, but he tends to stress rather than do. I am a doer. If something needs to be done lets get it done, except for my CPA because well, that is just different.
Lineman Dad is leaving Monday to find work somewhere closer to home and to make buckets of money to refill our savings account. The current problem with him leaving lies in my flower bed being only partially done. Today the problem was this, we are using retaining wall blocks to build the wall and they will only stack so high before falling down without something holding them from behind. We need dirt. A LOT of dirt. Lineman Dad tells me we need 10 yards of dirt, which for a small raised flowerbed seems excessive. Except it's no longer a small raised bed it stretches the length of our fence and will be 270 cubic yards of space. What? How did THAT happen?
Finally after much discussion and a little bickering and stressing we decided to have the dirt delivered. Now I talked him down to 5 yards of dirt, which seems A LOT more reasonable than 10 plus it should take less time to move, so hopefully he will be using said dirt to fill the bed. But by his calculations he should be able to stack the rest of the blocks in a day worth of time and move all that dirt from the front of the house to the back of the house in a day. That is 2 days worth of work. Remember when I said his timelines are normally 300% off? That means he will definitely not finish my bed by the time he leaves... And so I will forever have to live with an unfinished flower bed. Or do it myself. With Thing 1 and The Baby I just don't see that happening, I mean, retaining wall blocks are heavy. And dirt is pretty heavy and I'm only one woman. I don't want to do this project anymore but we're already way over budget and I just want the stupid thing done so I can plant stupid flowers and maybe that will distract guests eyes from the rest of the backyard which is a mess of overgrown grass, partial flower beds and lots of holes compliments of our dogs.
And so it begins...
Hi all I'm an avid blog reader that has some original thoughts from time to time. My life tends to be a chaotic race against time. My amazing husband (We'll call him Lineman Dad) and I currently have 3 children (Thing 1, Thing 2 and The Baby). A little of the his, mine, and ours variety. I work full time as an Accountant, I went to school and everything, but am still putting off my CPA for reasons mostly attributed to procrastination. My husband is a Journeyman Lineman and full time cool guy.
Both my husband and my children drive me crazy sometimes so I thought I'd blog about our crazy life to relieve stress and make others laugh.... what? Not all accountants are boring. I hope you enjoy reading about our crazy life.
Both my husband and my children drive me crazy sometimes so I thought I'd blog about our crazy life to relieve stress and make others laugh.... what? Not all accountants are boring. I hope you enjoy reading about our crazy life.
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