The Big Kids are on Vacation

It occurs to me that I haven’t written in a while. My life has been so batshit crazy it’s amazing I survived. First there was tax season which is a task of will on its own. Then I embarked on the crappiest knee surgery journey ever…. Still recovering over a month later and now the Things have gone on a vacation to visit grandparents that live in North Dakota and last night there was tennis ball sized hail. That may be an exaggeration by Thing 2 I’m guessing it was more like golf ball sized hail, but there was a tornado warning….. A FUCKING TORNADO WARNING. NEAR MY CHILDREN. I was at the grocery store about to lose my shit as I learned they were “hunkered down” in the garage in grandpa’s pickup while grandma watched for tornado’s out the window of the house…. Does this seem like a relaxing and fun trip to you? Me neither. Anyway, the tornado did not happen and they survived. I’m learning to cope without my big kids being home but it’s hard. Here is a list of the negative and positive things I’ve noticed with them gone.

The downside of not having the big kids home.

1. Thing 2’s whining is a pain in my ass, but he was normally whining about chores he had to do whilst home. He is gone so there is no whining but I have to do the chores….
2. Thing 1’s ability to calm The Baby. The Baby thought it was ok to stay up until Midnight then weasel his way into mom and dad’s bed. Thing 1 could have thwarted this very bad idea but he was gone, hiding from A FUCKING TORNADO.
3. The overwhelming sense of loving them while watching them sleep. They can be total jerks but when they are sleeping I seem to forget that lecture about thinking things are owed to them. I look at them while they slumber and think of all the wonderful things about them. Except they left me alone with Lineman and now I can’t enjoy the loving them while sleeping thing. Because The Baby is not interested in sleeping.
4. Their smiles when I sneak them treats. Lineman and I argue like we are 5 year olds and sometimes when he fails to listen to my reason I will do what I wanted to do in the first place, I just sneak it past him until the next day. Like that time our big kids left us and Lineman said no electronics where to leave the house with them, and then I slipped a tablet into Thing 1’s bag. When I confessed the next day Lineman was ready to listen so all was good in the world.
5. They had to feed the animals and now I have to. I feel like Noah sometimes even though we only have 2 large labs and a cat. When the big kids are home, they feed the animals, when the big kids are gone I feed the animals. I have enough chores, I need my small slaves to return to do my bidding.
6. I miss having conversations with them. My big kids are finally at an age that they are fun to be around and they have normal conversations. They’ve even talked about girls and politics. I miss having those conversations now that they are too busy for us.

There are also some positives to having them away from home.

1. My house, once cleaned, pretty much stays clean without much effort. It’s awesome.
2. When bedtime for The Baby rolls around there isn’t an alarm going off for my big kids to play with him in a very frenzied manner just to hype him up. The baby gets no outside stimuli prior to bedtime which should make bedtime easier. So far that theory isn’t working but its early days.
3. There is minimal whining. And sometimes silence when The Baby is sleeping. It’s true bliss.
4. No one is peeing on my new sod.
5. There are no longer “friends” hanging out at our house all the time. Don’t get me wrong I like the boy’s friends, and I even like being the hang out house. But the grocery bill was getting damn expensive feeding a neighborhood of preteen boys.
6. I only have to find a sitter for 1 very cute baby instead of two stinky big kids and a baby. Not that we go out, we wouldn’t know what to do with ourselves.

I am glad they are growing up and having adventures without me there but damn it, I want my kids to come home. A little over a week and counting…