Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Men can be real a**holes

I just got a call telling me that my sister in law's husband asked for a divorce. Back story here is that they are both only children. She never wanted to have children and neither did he until a few years ago. She was scared that he would leave her and she would be a single mother. We all told her that we would support her if that happened and she didn't have to worry. They were blessed with a bouncing baby boy on the 4th of July and everything has seemed amazing. She loves motherhood and their little boy is thriving.

Last night the a**hole came home and told her he didn't love her. Wait, what? He proceeded to say that he hadn't loved her in a long time, 2 years to be exact. So he didn't love her when she made his child? He didn't love her as she carried and cared for his child? He didn't love her through her pregnancy or the growth of their child. I am sorry but anyone who has the balls to say that is an a**hole. He's a f***ing a**hole. 

I have never liked the a**hole. I think he's a pompous jacka** but I like my sister in law and I hate that he has done this to her. He is a coward and I truly hope he reconsiders his position, at which point she can tell him to go take a hike. I hate him for doing this and I hate all men that drop bombshells like this. I happen to be a woman of action, when my ex husband asked for a divorce I was all business and all action. I cleared out our bank account I found a place for my son and I to live, I went to visit an attorney, and I had divorce papers in the works before he knew what hit him. I didn't give him a chance to reconsider because you can't take those words back. Once you speak them your relationship will never fully recover, you will always remember those words. 

Marriage is something that takes work. Constant work, not the "I work on it when I feel like it" kind of work. It takes determination and love and honesty and respect and courage to fight the good fight. My husband and I fight, but deep down on the most basic level is love. We love each other, we respect each other, and we love and respect the family we have made. We have to work to stay together. We fight about petty things but we also play and have fun. We apologize and admit mistakes. We work to overcome our differences, we talk and enjoy each other. We hold hands in the car and show our love whenever we can. If one of us fails the other is there to lend a loving hand. But it is not always sunshine and daisy's. We've had really hard times, we've worked through many complicated differences and when we see the light again we are better from our struggle through the dark. That is what it takes to stay married. It's a choice we make every day. We choose to struggle and work and the payoff is having a best friend through it all. He is my best friend and he is strong for me when I need him as I am strong from him when he needs me. 

Leaving is easy. Leaving takes no courage, no respect, and no honor. If you chose to stay married for 8 years and then give up, you are failing. You are not just breaking promises you made, but you are failing to try, you are failing to give your all. You are failing your wife AND your child. I have a child that has lived through divorce and though it's common place and his father and I still co parent there are scars. He has to live through those scars. You are causing real pain you a**hole and nothing will change that. I hope your wife does not take you back when you realize your mistake, I hope she lets you know that you chose to give up and you chose to cause pain. I also hope she finds someone she deserves. Someone who is kind and loving. Someone who sees the good and chooses to fight through the dark so they can enjoy the light together. And I truly hope that you have to live your life in the dark, alone. 

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