Monday, January 25, 2016

Toddlers and Medicine Don’t Mix

It’s an age old struggle of mom’s fighting the good fight to help their children feel better. Doctors are good at what they do and we try to follow their instructions to the letter… until you have a toddler. You see, toddlers have opinions, LOTS of opinions. They even have differing opinions from the doctor. The struggle is real.

The Baby was diagnosed with acute pneumonia (also a double ear infection just to round things out). We caught it early and began a pretty strong antibiotic to kick it out of my sweet little angels lungs (and ears). The problem word in that sentence was antibiotic. The Baby is against medicine. When he was teething it took the Tylenol like a champ. Sometimes he sucked on the syringe to get the last drops of the sweet nectar. Now that he is one and has an opinion on EVERYTHING he has decided he doesn’t like taking medicine. He has decided that no matter what his mother tries he is NOT going to take the medicine. Because his mother obviously can’t be trusted, and what she says is medicine might actually be poison.

At first I was trying to be sneaky about the medicine. I have yet to kick his bottle to the curb because that thing makes him really happy and I really like it. So I tried to hide the medicine in his bottle like I do with the Ibuprofen. The Baby is a smart little thing and rejected this bottle. I even put a little bit of chocolate syrup in the bottle to mask the flavor, but he was not fooled. Baby- 1 Me- 0.

I tried mixing the medicine with chocolate syrup and giving him a shot. He refused. Baby-2 Me-0. So I tried giving him just chocolate syrup from the syringe to get him used to it. He rejected it. I then got really sneaky. As I was feeding him dinner I would wait until he opened his mouth for the next bite and squirt a little of the medicine in his mouth. This worked for about three bites. Then he wouldn’t take his eyes off the syringe and he decided he needed to feed himself because I could not be trusted. Baby-3 Me-0. So I put the medicine in his dinner. He decided he was done eating. Baby-4 Me-0 I tried to forcefully inject the medicine in his mouth and he spit it out. There were tears and it sucked. Baby-5 Me-0.

Yesterday I hit my breaking point. We started the medicine debacle on Friday and through the weekend he maybe ingested about 1/20th of the medicine he should have had. He was pulling at his ears and I knew I had to figure this thing out. I found a solution and it made me feel like the worst mother ever. Lineman is gone so I had to devise a plan to force my child to take his medicine. I laid him on the floor, and then pinned him down with my body, then I have to pry his little jaw open while he fights with every fiber of his being, then I have to stick the syringe in the back of his throat and plug his nose while I get the medicine in his mouth so he is forced to swallow it. Baby-5 Me-1.

I hate doing this to my child. He cries and looks at me that I am the worst human on the planet. We have had two successful medicine doses since last night. He is supposed to take this medicine for 10 DAYS. I have to give it to him twice a day for another 7 days. Which means for the next 7 days I will have to repeat the process of forcing my child to take medicine. If toddlers were just reasonable people I could explain that taking the medicine is going to help him feel better and the less he fights the easier it is. But toddlers are not reasonable people. They are crazy lunatics that cannot be reasoned with. I sincerely hope that he will realize that I have to give him his medicine, but of course he will not realize this. He will think that I am a terrible person that is making him drink something that tastes really gross for my own sick pleasure. I am dreading the next 7 days. This medicine better damn well work or I am going to have a breakdown. 13 more doses, 13 more doses, 13 more doses.

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